Some of you may be aware by now that I suffer from Health Anxiety. I have always been a bit of a worrier and not really a risk taker. I constantly seek reassurance from friends and family that the ‘symptom’ I may be experience at that time is normal and not anything serious.
I think my health anxiety took a turn for the worst when I had my first smear test at 24. I had just got married and had my smear test booked in for when I return from my honeymoon. I had no symptoms and as far as I was concerned I was having this test to suffice the hypochondriac in me. I was not expecting to be told that I needed to have a colposcopy because my test results were not normal and that I had high grade dyskaryosis. What was that!!!! So like an idiot I decided to look this up on google….. I thought I had cancer and that my life that had only just begun was over. This news really hit me hard and I spent a good 4 months in a depressive state because I believed I had cervical cancer and that I was going to die. After a number of colposcopies and a biopsy it was found not to be cancerous but I would still need to have treatment to remove the abnormal cells to prevent it becoming aggressive and turning into cancer.
I don’t think I ever got over this experience because I didn’t have any symptoms and I thought I was OK when I really wasn’t. However, I managed to get on with life and I think since becoming a mummy my health anxiety has taken a turn for the worst again!!! When you become a parent you worry that you will not be there for them. To see them reach certain mile stones and to see them go on to get married and have children etc. I will never let myself think about the future in fear I will jink it! Crazy right? I know and I try so hard everyday to overcome this fear but I have an illness which isn’t going away at a flick of a switch.
I am currently suffering from muscle twitching which I have had for nearly 1 year. The twitching started off relatively mild and at first didn’t think much about it. Then one day stupidly I had a look on google. I was horrified to see it could be MS, ALS and some other horrid neurological problems. again I thought and still do today that I have a serious medical condition that is going to affect my life. I have seen a neurologist three times now the third being last month. On the face of it the tests I have had done appear to be normal but to be sure they are now referring me to have an MRI and nerve conduct test. I am petrified beyond believe and worried what the results might be. I will let you know how it goes.
Don’t be afraid to talk to people about any mental health issues you might be experience. I can honestly say that speaking to friends and family have got me though my darkest days. I am not embarrassed to talk about my issues if it means somebody feels strong to reach out and to not suffer in silence. A lot of people will think from my instagram that my life is perfect….. well you couldn’t be more wrong.
If you ever need a chat please feel free to contact me.
Me & my family
So a lot of you will know by now that I am married and that I have a beautiful daughter called Ava who turned 2 in March. In addition we have 3 Chihuahua’s. However, I thought I would give you more of an insight……
I met my husband when I was 16. I didn’t know him in fact he was introduced to me by my friend at a party who is now my sister in law. I was doing my A levels at the time studying hard to be a barrister – I absolutely love to catch people out and I am usually very good at getting the truth out of people so, for me, this was the perfect career path. However, as time past by and my relationship with Luke blossomed I guess you could say I got a little distracted. I managed to finish my A Levels but decided that I wasn’t committed at that time to study further. I managed to get a job working for an insurance company. At first I absolutely hated it but I then went on to work for a small insurance broker and I haven’t looked back since. I have worked in the insurance sector for 10 years and I am now in a management position within a large corporate insurance broker. I never thought in a million years I would be able to work my way up and achieve one of my aspirations in life….. I think I am proof that hard work and determination pays off and I have to say I am excited for my future.
Anyway……. I purchased my first home with my husband back in 2011. It was a mid terraced 3 bedroom house just up the road from my parents in Surrey. We spent a year renovating the house and once complete decided that we wanted a semi detached property which would be slightly larger. We had our mid terrace house literally on the market for 1 day and it sold for full asking price, we couldn’t believe our luck! At the same time we feel in love with a semi detached property in the beautiful town of Epsom Downs, the heart of the derby. It was not an easy purchase, unfortunately the house was owned by a management company who wouldn’t take the property off the market until we had exchanged contracts. This meant on 3 occasion we were gazumped – absolutely devastated at the time because the little money we had left over was to do the renovation works – but we had no choice we wanted the house. It took just a month from our offer being accepted to us being handed the keys – looking back I really don’t know how we did it.
We went on to renovate the house over a few years during which time we got married. It was the happiest day of my life despite it raining heavily. My hair was a disaster and we stupidly decided to have the formal lunch outside in a marquee in August…. enough said really. We decided that we would try for our first child when we returned from our honeymoon. However, as I have mentioned in my blog above, I had abnormal cells following my first smear test which meant our plans to become a family were put on hold. We put our focus into the house and decided to extended the existing garage to provide us with a downstairs WC, Games room and utility room. Shortly after the work I got the all clear and so we decided to finally start a family. In June 2015 I feel pregnant with my first child – we were over the moon. She was born in March 2016 – a day I will cherish for the rest of my life. My labour for me wasn’t that bad and I am proud to say I didn’t need any pain relief. Instead I invested in hypnobirthing which is designed to help expectant mothers understand how the body works etc. Shortly after Ava was born we decided to move to Essex. My husbands twin brother had moved a year before and we wanted a change. At first I was against moving but I then decided after Ava was born that I wanted her to have a different quality of life. I loved living in Surrey but the congestion, competition and fast pace of life was draining. In June 2016 we sold our semi detached house and went on to purchase the house we currently live in. This house has been our biggest project to date. Everything needed doing and due to the size cost us more than we had initially budgeted for. It took us just under a year to complete and I have to say this house is our biggest accomplishment yet. It has made my passion for interior design reach a whole new level and as a result, we have decided to continue renovating properties.
Watch this space…….